Talking Sex & Disability w/ Dandy

Illustrator/Musician Dandy, (Dandy Doodlez)
Image Description: Dandy in wheelchair. She is wearing a theatrical red velvet cape, red eye makeup, and has wavy blonde hair. In her left hand she is leaning upon a sword pointing down towards the ground. In the background is a wood paneled room with a marble fireplace. Text over the image reads “Dandy.”]
We at The Love Erotica focus on being not just a trusted Adult Retailer, but importantly making masturbation accessible.
We spoke to the amazing Dandy Doodlez a really popular chronic illness and disability influencer on her journey with sex & disability also step into music. Dandy focuses on queer and disability representation in which Dandy hopes to break down the stigma and existing taboos that exist in this realm.
Where did Dandy Doodlez / Dandy Music come from?
I created Dandy Doodlez as a way to express myself artistically in an online space, and vent my feelings and frustrations around being disabled in a world that simply isn’t built for us. My music is a further extension of that same mission. I believe disabled people deserve quality representation in all forms of media and I work to play my part in improving this where and when I can.
What does sex & disability mean to you?
Sex and disability is such an important subject for me because sex and sexuality offers people an opportunity to reclaim bodies that are often painful or difficult to manage, transforming them for pleasure. I believe everyone deserves access to that if they want it, and right now the sex toy industry is lagging behind in terms of innovation. That’s why it’s so heartening to see companies like Love Erotica actively reaching out and listening to disabled consumers. Making adjustments to websites is also super important. If people can’t use your company website, that company has not only lost business, but the disabled customer has lost out on accessing pleasure. It’s a lose lose for everyone. 
When did you first start to align yourself with your sexuality?
I would say it wasn’t until I was around 24/25 that I began to align with my sexuality. That was around the time I came out as queer, and had pleasurable sexual experiences for the first time. For anyone concerned that they’ve left things late, there is certainly no hurry. You don’t have to wait for anyone else to explore your sexuality either. Learning about your own body on your own time is invaluable.
How do you find Dating?
Dating is something that doesn’t particularly interest me. I’d never say never, but right now my life feels completely full without any kind of romantic relationship. I know that disabled people do face discrimination on the dating scene which can be very disheartening, but in the past I’ve certainly found it helps weed out anyone superficial by openly declaring your disability upfront. Someone that doesn’t accept you wholly for who you are, isn’t worth a second of your time.
Who are your inspirations in the community?
I have many inspirations in the community, but one who pops straight into my mind is Nina Tame. She was one of the first people I connected with in the community and she’s an absolute powerhouse. She’s educated me on so many vital issues in a funny accessible way and is always uplifting other disabled creators. I call her Aunty Nina. 
Was there any support in helping you understand how to explore your urges as a disabled person?
I wouldn’t say there was support in any formal sense for exploring my sexuality as a disabled person. The people I met online were really instrumental in giving me the confidence to believe I still deserved all of the worldly pleasures that I had before I became disabled. There’s nothing more powerful than seeing a disabled person unashamedly being themselves, whether that’s in day to day life for or in a sexual sense.
What troubles do you have with using toys?
I think a common issue in using sex toys is being able to use the buttons. In an effort to look stylish, a lot of modern toys have made the buttons blend into the toy and appear relatively hidden away. Many disabled people struggle with dexterity and so require something that’s both highly visible and easy to press. 
What would you like retail stores to do more of?
I would love to see more diversity of marketing within retail, and not just in online spaces. It would be incredible to see someone in a wheelchair rocking lingerie and advertising a toy in the window of Ann Summers, for example. And not just as a gimmick. I’d like to see consistent representation. If you’re going to have a seasonal campaign and are hiring 6 models, at least one of them should be disabled. 
What the plans for the rest of the year?
At least the next few months for me are going to be focused on promoting my debut album demo “The Cycle.” The lead track is about the abuse disabled people face when navigating the benefits system. There is a woeful lack of disability representation within the mainstream music industry, and I hope to do my part to change that.
What message do you want to get to people?
I want people to know that they deserve a seat at the table. Disabled people are so often forced to compromise in one way or another. The world is quick to forget to include or accommodate us. That’s why it’s so important to keep raising these issues and the voices of others within the community. There is strength in numbers and it’s harder to ignore the roar of the crowd than it is a single voice. 
Follow Dandy Journey by subscribing to Dandy’s platforms below
Youtube – Subscribe Here
Instagram – Follow Here
Spotify – Listen Here
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